Introvert

I don't like to talk about my feelings much. So when I do, you better feel dammm lucky. I am what they call an introvert. Someone who does not express freely. I am no lifeless blob of a human. I like to be layered, like a puzzle. Everything I say or do is a part of it. I keep things hidden in my neat room of a mind. Almost a mask, however part of that mask is my face and the other part of it is myself which is hidden. I am not fake. Just someone who is lying and telling the truth at the same time. I am most comfortable alone. It's hard to get close to people because I have been let down by them so much. I always seem to lose them, or they forget about me, or both.
That is why I am like that. I can help anyone with a problem, but I don't like people helping me. It is like a protective barrier against people hurting me emotionally. I cannot change it, it is who I am, what life has made me, what my experiences have done to me. Sometimes it can be a burden when I want to express feelings with someone without feeling like a nuisance. So I am alone with myself and myself becomes a nuisance to me. It is a cycle of fear of myself.
I have found a way around myself and that is Art. I love art. Anything about it really.Art is my best friend, my lover, my guardian, it's myself. I love the hate that comes with it, the love within it, the emotions I cannot express are right there and they are tangible. Not a feeling I can feel, but a feeling I can touch, see, and smell.
There is no pain in it, no love, no rejection, just me and it. I can tell it anything and it will not judge, it will listen, then express for me. As long as I let it.