The Art Of Want

Whenever I want something, I like to think about why I want it and what use will it bring to me, but there are times when I want something for the most unrealistic reasons. 

• I wanted to take APUSH (AP U.S History) because I wanted to feel smarter. Well turns out, being surrounded by smart people did the exact opposite.
• I wanted to move to California for a year because I hated Utah and wanted to get away from my problems. Now that I am back in good old Utah my problems seemed to have, gotten worse.
• I wanted to get a size small shirt so I can motivate myself to get fit. To be frank it made me feel good looking at that shirt before I went running. After running and trying it on and looking at myself I felt like crap.

Now sitting here in Utah looking at that small shirt and trying to do my APUSH homework, I have realized that everything I wanted has made my life worse, but I have learned something from wanting all this. 

• Taking APUSH has made me realize that if I want to be smarter, I have to read the damm book and listen in class. I am not going to be any smarter for just taking the class and breathing the same atmosphere as everyone else in that class.
• Leaving UT was not a solution to my problem at all, it just made it worse. If I face a problem I must stop being a kiss-ass and hiding the way I feel and instead be honest, open and confront my problems. 
• Getting fit is not something that won’t happen in one day (even though I wish it was true) it will take months of hard work (sigh) and a healthy diet to look the way I want.  

So I guess I was not being stupid (yes I was) but I feel like it was an unconscious thing for me to want these things. The hard part is knowing all the work I am going to have to do if I want to accomplish these things. I am going to start doing my homework, confronting my problems, and working hard for something I want. It will not be easy, (I wish it was) and it is one thing to want something, then to put action onto it.  It is going to be one hell of a long run, but for now I can start with a nice walk.