The Golden Star is peeling off.

Growing up, and still growing, until I am about the proper age where I stop growing.  I have been a "good child" and I still am, ever since I was a little twat I was obedient.  My siblings on the other hand have had "troubles" with the law and other such things.  So I was the middle child who was the brag of my parents.  "She is so good; she does her homework and has good grads.  She plays sports, is artistic, and plays guitar!"  Now it is nice having people say good things about me.  I mean, I love it.  It makes me feel good about myself, but with good comes bad.  There are times like they are watching me, waiting for me to screw up like the rest of my siblings, and if I do not screw up sometime they think I am up to something.  So down the line when I do screw up it will be like "well we saw it coming, she was bound to screw up like her sister and brothers some day." 

I am so tired of living up so some stereotypical smart teenager who is perfect in every way.  I am a perficenist and like to get good grades and excel in school.  Can I just have some space?  Can I not be judged?  Can I just be me and not care what others think?  That is the problem with me; I want to please everyone that is why I work hard to show that my family's name is not as corrupted as it shows on police records of family members and siblings.  In a way it makes me worry more why should I care to please everyone.  Maybe that is why so many teenagers are stressed out because they have to live up to some perfect projection of a child. 

This year things are starting to change. I am not going to care about my family name, or pleasing anyone except myself. That sounds selfish, but it kills me. I want to please myself, not my teachers, boys, siblings, parents, and friends. I want to focus on myself for once. Is it so selfish to give to yourself?